


Slowly, I see the world again

by Dios



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22865125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dios/pseuds/Dios
Summary: What if there's a change inside the management?As they say, two wrongs doesn't make it right.
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting my works.  
> This actually already 111 pages long, but it's too crude, I think I have to rearrange the words.
> 
> Warning, English isn't my primary.

**Kennedy's side**

"Are you sure about this?" Hans has been asking me the same question for over a week when I told him I might bought an entertainment company. "Yes Hans, I'm sure" I said over and over again.

The company that I bought is a troubled company. They were hit by numerous scandal, even the CEO and founder has resigned.

We were on our way to Seoul, to meet with a person that can shed some light of how f*cked the company are. I just hope I won't have to stay at Seoul for a long time to resolve the mess. Even though I'm already prepared to stay for a while.

"Oh, Arlo?" I called on Arlo, one of my bodyguard. "Yes sir?" He replied "If this goes our way, would you be prepared to leave everything behind?" I asked him since we were talking about it a few whiles back. He'd gone through so much that he wants to starts over, and we both think this is a good chance for him to move on.

"Yes, I'm prepared sir, and by the data I read on him, it might be a new experience to go with" Arlo answer in a swift words. I nod towards his answer and continue my reading.

-

We arrived in Seoul an hour later and now making our way to the designated place for the meeting. It was a small restaurant that were reserved for us four people. We done this because of the privacy and we need to be discreet since the person we will be meeting was in a scandal.

Fortunately, the other person we were meeting was a good kid. Well, in contrast we were just 4 years apart. "Have you waited long?" I asked when we arrive. He looks startled but regain composure right away. 

(The following conversation is in Korean language)

"Oh, no no, you speak fluent Korean, so I was quite shocked" he held out his hand, looking for a handshake. I welcomed it and we sat down.

"Why me?" He asked. Hans and I looked at each other "You go explain, I go ordered foods" Hans left me for food (always). 

"To be honest, I do this because I'm selfish, secondly, because I like your group song, my girlfriend forced me to listen to it, and now I'm liking it" I told him the real reason. "Even though I'm on scandal for drugs?" He gets antsy when he said drugs. This must be a sensitive topic for him.

"I'm not prejudiced even if you were actually taking one. But mark my words. If you do drugs. I will forcefully drag you out from the hell hole myself and give you back what you deserve" I told him my resolution. "What did I deserve?" He's now a little bit hopeful that he can get out from this mess and come back to his family "Your life, your family, yourself" I told him those words and he starts sobbing.

This kid has gone through so much. Being under pressure for so long, then having himself being ripped apart from his family and his lifeline in a swift days is just cruel. This kid doesn't even know the joy of having a normal life. 

I waited until he calms down and offered him a pineapple juice "I heard you don't drink, but this is nice to regain some spirit" He gladly sipping on it. 

"Now, I will disclose something important and you have to be attentive okay?" I said to him, he nod furiously "Ok, ok, I'm listening" he was prepared for the worst. "I'm the new CEO for YG" I said. 

He was stunned. By the word I uttered. He was completely stunned. "But..." He tried to reason "I own most of the shares, and my representative already working on cleaning up the mess from the inside" so in another way, I'm a silent partner of this entertainment company. 

"Then can I..." Before he complete his sentence I cut it off "Depends on your answer today" I might be seems cruel, but he's gonna go through some hoops before he can even think about it.

"Now, first off, did you even take drugs? Answer me truthfully" I'm on business mode now "No, I was seeking how to purchase it, I have it, but I don't take it" he said in swift way, but not like a mantra of how it should go, but for what it is happened that day. "Then where did the drugs go?" I already got the report of what happened that day, so I know that he didn't consume it. About how I obtained the information, it's best that you didn't know.

"I burned them at the back alley inside of a trashcan" he said. This kid were really being framed for a 5 seconds frame, yet he didn't retaliate, he just endured. "Hanbin. Do you want to go back to iKON?" I offered him the question he wants to hear from the second he was thrown out from the team. 

He just stay silent, he's about to cry. Ah, I have to help this kid.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hans, have you done eating?" I asked "yep and I'm ready to rumble" he answer while give me two pack of sandwich. "Call Jaehee and make the statement" I told him to put the wheels in motion. Hans did it with his own persona that makes me wonder why he never asked for the chairman seat while he indeed is a capable one for taking care of the empire.

"Now for you, shall we gave some people a surprise?" I gave him a big smile while he still can't process how to make words out of his mouth. But his eyes is saying yes.

We board the car and went to an apartment complex near Han River. Yes, it's iKON's home. "They just arrived by the dorm hasn't they?" I asked Hans. He carefully reading their itineraty "Yes, and Jaehee-ssi just confirmed it too" He waved his phone in front of me, showing the email he got from Jaehee. 

"You still remember the passcode?" I asked Hanbin he nodded. "So the rumor that you became a quail outside work is true eh?" I tease him since he's been quiet for some time. "When I work I have this fire that burn in my eyes, you actually can see it, but when I entered relaxing mode, I just become dopey, well, at least that's what my group says" he explained.

I laughed at his explanation, because I know a particular people that done that either. 

"Before we enter, I need you to realize that after this, your life will be in a center of attention for a while and you will need extra protection" I said as I point to Arlo "Arlo is your personal bodyguard, he will answer to you and your group, but you are his priority, got it?" I won't take no as an answer "I understand, please take care of me from now on Arlo-hyung" Hanbin added a 'hyung' by Arlo's name, I laughed a bit. 

"He's actually the same age as you" I told him and he laughed out loud, it was the first laugh I heard out of him, and it was a good one.

When we entered one of the house, it was quiet. Because they just arrived from a tour and was indeed in a sleep deprived situation. Their manager, Jaeho, already tiptoeing when he saw me entering the room.

Their manager is a timid one, no wonder he was bullied by the company. "I just heard the news, nice to meet you president" he bowed so low, now it looks like the bow were not for me, but for Hanbin that were wrongfully judged and his lack of will to keep the boys together.

I didn't answer him, Hanbin did "Don't bow so low Jaeho-hyung, it wasn't your fault" Hanbin have the proper timing rather than me. 

"We're going to rolled it quickly, so, can you ask the other boys to gather here? And you, Hanbin, go to your room, I'll call you in when I finished talking, since they need to blow some steam off from the management" I said while shoving him inside the his room.

He'd realize that as soon as I finished my sentence. He entered the room quickly when he heard that Yunhyeong opened his door. "Who are you?" Yunhyeong asked me, the manager takes over "He's the new president of our company and would like to talk to you guys, help me woke up the others downstairs" Jaeho didn't make a gap for Yunhyeong to talk right away, since it was crucial that everyone is gathered first, than blow steam after. 

Thanks to sleep deprivation, Yunhyeong walk out the house with Jaeho and go to wake up the rest of the members. While they gone, I pull out my phone and sent a text to my girlfriend. Telling her that I'm already doing something stupid yet satisfying. It will be long before she answer, because she's in a busy stage of her study.

In 20 minutes, all the member has gathered. Sullen, sulky, sleep deprived, stressed and unhappy. All of the emotion showed right at their faces.

"Let's get this over with, I'm the new CEO of your company, dish out whatever you wanted to say" when I dish it out, all of their eyes goes wide and the complaint begins. 

They feel unjustified, underrated and unappreciated. Well, I summed it all because they all used profanity language. These guys were really brothers born from a tight bond. I wonder why the predecessor undertaking them.

When they're about to finish, they only saying one thing. Give them back their leader, whatever it cost, give him back. I smiled, the feeling is mutual between them and their leaders. 

"So, are you still going to do stupid things like you did in the past years?" I asked indirectly to Hanbin, the boys gone silent "What do you mean?" Jiwon speak up first. 

I didn't answer, because the one I asked opened his door and have this determined looks. "I won't" he said to me. I smirked "I'll keep your words then" I said while opening the ways between the boys. 

Junhoe were jumping at him, followed by Donghyuk and Jiwon. Yunhyeong and Chanwoo joined in, making a big hug. But Jinhwan stood still. "Jinani-hyung, I'm home" Hanbin said it and Jinhwan knocked the boys down by tackling them.

This is good, but I still haven't delivered the punishment yet. But I'll let them enjoy the moments first. After all, family first.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not bullying them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just an intermezzo, one of the new characters is introduced

After their touching moments. I was about to say something, but my phone has been buzzing for a while. I took it out and saw my girlfriend name on the screen. "I thought you’re sleeping there" I answered in an annoyed tone "I'm a resident, sleep is for the weak minded" she sounded tired, but has to keep going. This week is her exam week, many many exam.

"You need sleep to function" I coaxed her to go to sleep "Sleep is for the weak" She still saying it like a mantra. I sighed and pinched my glabella "Alright, you win, what is it that you wanted to talked about?" She only calls whenever she wants to talk and often rejects mine. Well, it was my fault though, to call her in a middle of a meeting when I felt bored.

"Tell me you didn't bully the boys" She said in an inquiry tone. Inside I was wowing her that she can predict my move, outside, I have to keep my composure.

"I didn't" I gave her a short answer, which is meant to throw her off. But she know me better these past days and rarely my facade goes through her. "Give the phone to Hans" she said. I do as she told. " said to give it to you" I hand off my phone to Hans.

Hans, like he already knows what to do, switch it to a video call and I can see her face at the screen. She looks haggard but still the cool side of her. "Look me in the eye and say to me you won't bully them" She said to me. 

Inside, I already said 'oh God, you know I can't lie to her' and I didn't know that I said it out loud. Knowing that I blurted it out. I take my stances and kneel before her. "I'm so sorry" I said to her. 

Now everyone in the room were amazed by me, when I kneel and say my sorry. Hans, already used to it, just wave it off like some daily occurrence.

I could hear she sighed a long one "Don't be cruel to them, they're my favorites okay" she said while continuing to read some papers. "Just some sanction, it's a good one too" I said to her. She look at me and say "Hurry back home, I'm at my limits" She said the words that has been my weakness "Wait for me okay?" I said it in a painful tone. Because we knows that I won't be back for another two months. Leaving my kid and her behind is somewhat heavy for me too.

We ended the phone call and I can feel a tears streaming down from my eyes. Ah. I want to go home so bad. 


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you okay president?" The one who asked me is Hanbin, I gave him a simple smile. "It's fine" I said simply. The mood now gone sour and awkward. I sighed a bit.

"Hanbin I can't let you free easily though. You still need to repay your damage" I said to him. The boys reacted by posing themselves in front of Hanbin, guarding him. "Don't worry, it's a great sanction for you, I'm going for a round trip around the world, for two month, and you're going with me, we need to put out the fire after all".

They still seems reluctant to let go of him for the second time. “Hanbin actually saying he wanted to travel the world right? I won’t restrict any communication between you guys and him, but one thing for sure, I can’t let the fans knows that you were re-instated” I gave them a detailed explanation. “Why we can’t tell?” Jinhwan asking me, he still have that predatory eyes that ready to snap me in half. Really, he’s a small giant.

“Whether that I am personally favoring you guys, I still have a duty to save the face of the company I owned, and if I reinstated Hanbin right away, there’s a shift in the company, bad for the company and bad for the future, just for two month” I plead to them. But they’re still hell bent of not letting him go.

If Lucy hasn’t telling me to not bullying them, I surely will bully them. “You still bad at handling kids eh Ken?” Its Jaehee voice “If I can at least showed my fang, my girlfriend surely will block my number” I told and welcome him to the party.

Kim Jaehee is my proxy in Korea. He was an ex-artiste that were well known at his time. He took early retirement short after his enlistment and took up teaching as his work. I met him a few years ago when I’m in my rebellious time, he teaches me a lot and a good friend of my family.

Most of the people here know that Jaehee is a legend, it didn’t take long before the boys were star struck. “Pick his option, it’s better than my proposal” Jaehee told Jaeho who then pleaded to the boys.

“Thank you for accepting my proposal Jaehee-nim” I extended my hands for a handshake. He shook his head and opened his arms, welcoming me for a hug. “Anything for you, how’s little Tony?” Jaehee-nim asking while showing a picture on Lucy’s IG. “He’s great, after what happens two years ago, we both are healing well” I said to him.

Jaehee-nim were one of the several people that knows what my situation is. He appear to be supportive of my choice and he always around if I need one or two advice. I asked him to be my proxy in this area since I don’t really know well about this world. Jaehee-nim, who’s already knows inside out of this world is a perfect one for me.

“You sure giving the company to me? I might tear it upside down though” He said “This company really need to be turned inside out, to protect people like these kids from harm, even from the company itself” I explained to him while looking afar. “You sounded like an old man” Jaehee-nim snide remarks make me laughed “I am an old man, I got 3 year old kid” I said to him.

“Hanbin, we’re leaving in two days okay, do call your attorney to review the contract, we can discuss it tonight or tomorrow” I said “He still have to go with you? Can’t he just stay here?” Jinhwan still at it. I pray with my inside voice that Lucy will forgive me when I do this “That or I won’t give your leader back, choose one” I finally threatened them. Everyone except Hans, Jaehee and Arlo seems astonished. “I might be favoring you guys, but we need to clean his image, not for the international fans, the international fans were not fooled with what happened, but for the Korean people, because you are Korean, it matters for you” I took a breather “While he was away with me, Arlo will keep him safe, no communication barred except hinting that he’ll be back with you guys, even your staff aside the manager can’t know about this” I explained.

Korean people has a hard time with people in a scandal. When words out that Hanbin is innocent, people that didn’t believe it still hounding for him. My job is to make sure that the protection details for him and everyone on the company is tight so nothing can happened to them. It’s not a coincidence that Arlo were assigned here, he was brought to protect Hanbin from trouble, whether it was from Hanbin itself or from outside.

“Which cities will we be going?” Hanbin asked “Glasgow, Hamburg, Kopenhagen, Greece, Budapest, Moscow, Jakarta, Tokyo and back here in Seoul” I stated. What I stated is only the part with him, when it actually I have to keep moving for at least another month before I can go home “That’s a lot” Jaehee-nim commented “After that I got a two week day off, so no worries” I said. “Planning to bug the missus then?” Jaehee-nim is spot on “Yeah, she will probably hate me because of it” I laughed it off with Jaehee-nim.

“What would you like me to do at those city?” Hanbin asked, I think he’s warmed up to the idea of it “Recuperating, Arlo will be with you if you want to go out, or if you want to visit a studio, I can direct you to one in every city” When I said recuperating, he showed a disbelieve face.

“So you just want him to take a vacation?” Jinhwan said “Yep, that’s right, but not in Korea, I need to evaluate his mental condition and well being” Hanbin can’t dispute that, since while the investigation doing, his mental is a bit shaky and his build is somewhat worrisome. “Alright then, you won’t block my communication with my member?” He asked for confirmation. I put my hand atop of my heart “I won’t barred any, but you have to promise not to tell anyone beside your members and managers, not even the security details except Arlo can know about you, can you do it?” I asked him back “If it’s for my health and sanity, I can endure two month” He said in really a tough voice. But he was held by his members, truly this brotherhood is never cease to amaze me.

“In two days okay, we already processed your paper and it just left with you boarding the plane” I explained to him and he understand. “Can I stay here?” Hanbin asked. I raised my eyebrows, this man who’s just a shy 3 years away from me is asking permission to be with his family. “Hanbin-ah, sit here for a while” I pointed at the sofa and telling him to sit in front of me. He do as he told and start to giddy up. “Hanbin-ah, from now on, you’re under these guys (pointing at Jaehee, Hans and me) especially that guy (pointing at Jaehee) no one can hurt you anymore, even if one of you left the team, I won’t even asked him to leave this place, because you are brothers by bond, I won’t sully those connection” He need a detailed explanation about his standing right now.

I took a deep breath “Do I have any schedule left?” I asked Hans, he nod furiously “You still have your video conference in an hour and another meeting after that” Hans stated my schedule. I sighed, I was the one who brought all of this upon me, so I can’t protest about it. “Anyway, you go take a rest here, I’ll meet you tomorrow for the contract and everything” I stood up and Hans caught me instantly “48 hours without sleeping is hard even for you” Hans helped me to stand still. “For an hour, let me sleep a bit” I said. Hans sighed “Can you guys lend him a bed to crash? Or a sofa? He really need some shut eye” Hans pleaded to the members.

The eldest then answered “Take Hanbin’s room then, we want to keep our leader around before he went away” I give my thanks before Hans throw me to the bed “An hour, I’ll push the meeting for you” He said when closing the door. “Thank you Hans” I said and went asleep as soon as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever the smartest kid I know

**Hanbin’s POV**

When I got the call, I was skeptical at first. Some random caller, asking me for a meeting regarding the future of my work and life. He’s saying that he got my number from the company, and gave me a series of number –which I checked thoroughly– and his profile just showed up. He’s a foreigner surely and pops up mainly at the business and technologies section. I studied his face a bit, he looks like a good person. My judgment of character is rarely off by a wide margin, so when I deemed him as a good guy, maybe he is.

I told my family about the call I receive. Mother is concerned for me going out there in public, father too. Hanbyul is clinging at me, saying that I should take her with me when I’m meeting him. I smiled softly, picking up Hanbyul and hug her close. “He told me to notify my lawyer, he even offered to record the conversation if I’m insecure, I declined though, but I already notified my lawyer” I place a kiss atop of her hair and put her back down. “But still, I’m uncomfortable with you going away, meeting someone we’ve never met yet” My mother still fussing over it. Father just sit silently, thinking of what my action means.

“Do you believe this man Hanbin?” My father finally said something. I chuckled at his question. Truth to be told, I do trust this man, even though I never met him and just heard his voice. Yet, there’s a pull on his voice that made me actually believed what he said. I pat my left chest a bit “I do trust him” I said to him. There’s a mutual understanding going on between us. I read my father well and vice versa. He sighed in the end. “I’ll drop you off there, with the verdict just out, the public still a dangerous place for you” He said as he walk towards his room, going for his coat.

Mother hasn’t budge yet, she still worries. I smiled at her “Mother, trust me okay? Like you always do for me” I hugged her arm like I always do when I want something, clinging to her. Hanbyul does the same on the other arm. She laughed at the end “What do I do with two of my precious child, alright, go on, we’ll wait you back here” She finally said and kissed our forehead.

Inside the car, father didn’t stop me at all, instead, he’s talking about what should I do if it’s turned out as a kidnapping scheme “Run, fast, like your life depends on it” He said seriously. I didn’t think it would be a kidnapping scheme though, not when I already saw the caller face and know where he work at. “Father, it will be alright” I said and Father stopped the car.

It’s a small restaurant, at the entrance, hanged a sign of ‘reserved’ at the handle. I want to walk inside, but it’s heavy and now it’s in front of me, the nerve is creeping towards me. I fiddle with the hem of my sweater, the fraying of the thread there has gotten bad, since I always pulled on it. I tried to keep myself in check, but it’s slowly getting inside my head again.

Father definitely saw this, he didn’t say anything but to put his hand atop mine “We could wait” He said and donned a comfortable smile. I tried to smiled back, but my the muscle betrayed me, nowadays, it’s hard to bring up a smile to bare through anything. I usually can do it, but since the incident happens, it’s gotten harder and I could only smile when I’m truly happy. All of the training of how to make a façade just went away the drain after the incident sparks out.

I still remember my brothers face when I said I’m leaving. It’s a horror for them, but what can I do? I’m no David against the Goliath. So I heed to his words, he didn’t really give me a choice though. My members tried to fight it, but instead, they were reprimanded because of me. I didn’t contact them after, it was radio silence for me. I hand off my phone to my parents while saying “I’ll take it back when I’m ready” and locked up on my room for days. Before Hanbyul barging in through the window asking what is wrong with me. Lucky that my room is at the first floor, if it were on the second, Hanbyul will be on a house arrest for the rest of the month.

“Want to go to the park with me?” Hanbyul had asked. I tried to smile, but it was heavy, my muscle still betrayed me. I settle with a small smirk. “Not right now” I told her. I haven’t talked to anyone since that day I gave my phone away. My voice got rougher and smaller. “Do you want to eat anything _Oppa_? I missed having a meal with you” She still try to get me out of my room. At that moment, the innocent remarks Hanbyul uttered, made my heart melt, thus, I smiled softly at her. “In due time Byul-ah” I said as I walk towards my door, opening them. Hanbyul is ever the smartest kid I know. She knows that her brother still needs some space to think about it. So she hugged me by my waist and went off to the living room, to continue doing what she’s been doing before she climbed into my window.

After that, I sleep through the day. Nowadays, I sleep a lot, like my body trying to compensate for every sleepless night I went before. When I woke up, it’s midnight already. Everyone is asleep I think, so I begin my nightly routine I have been doing since I got here.

Writing. I never stopped writing even after all that things happening. I didn’t vocalized it, but the pain, despair, anger and hurt I’ve been harboring start to flowing away. I wrote it inside a black book, one that even the member didn’t dare to touch, even Jiwon-hyung didn’t dare. This book contain the darkest song I’ve written, one that shouldn’t even make it out, or I can publish it, but after a careful rewriting.

I went outside my room first and head to the kitchen. Eyeing the bottle of scotch that my father stashed at the top of upper cabinets. Didn’t want to worry my parents of my alcohol intake, I opt for a power drink. Mother might already figure where all those bottles of power drink goes when no one at the day drinking it. Taking it and the dinner that mother prepares and stored at the fridge, I reheated them and went back to my room. To continue writing again.

-

“I’m going in” I said to my father, who’s sitting beside me calmly. He chuckled “My bravest boy” He said as he hugged me before I left the car. “You should go home father, I’ll be fine here” I said through the car window. “Alright, I’ll go, call me if anything happens okay?” Father said while starting the car. I nod and went inside the restaurant.

There’s no one there except the staff. They know who I am because when they saw me, there’s a hint of surprise. “I’m here for an appointment with Mr. Albacore?” I asked them if I’m at the right place. They nod, one of the waiter showed me the seat “Do you want anything while you wait?” The waiter had asked “Water would be good for now, thank you” I said and bow at her a bit. She nod and went to the station to fetch a pitcher of water and a glass. “Just wave if you need anything” and she left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can I be selfish?

It didn’t take long before the said ‘Mr. Albacore’ comes in. The said man is as tall as Junhoe I think. His demeanor is somewhat calm like a sea. “Have you waited long?” He said in a perfect Korean. He was just talking with me using English and now he’s switching with Korean, I was stumped. He looks worried but I brush it off. “Oh, no no, you speak fluent Korean, so I was quite shocked” I said while extending my hand, offering a handshake. The man in front of me welcomed it with a firm grip.

I studied the man in front of me, he’s definitely older than me. Tired eyes and weary face, maybe he’s the same as me? Before he could ask me, I tried to speak up first “Why me?” I asked him. The said man in front of me looking at his companion, another tall and black haired guy. “You go explain, I go ordered foods” and the second man left us behind.

The said man I front of me told me beforehand “Call me Kennedy, Albacore is my family name” he said and start telling me that his girlfriend is the original person that dragged him inside the k-pop world and he got hooked by it. “Even though I’m on scandal for drugs?” I know it’s better to bring this issue firsthand, so he don’t have high hopes on me.

Kennedy’s face is somewhat didn’t changed at all. Instead, there’s a empathy shown by his eyes. Like he knows something is going on and he understands how hard it is. “I’m not prejudiced even if you were actually taking one” His word maybe harsh, but it doesn’t have any malice “But mark my words, if you do drugs, I will forcefully drag you out from the hell hole myself and give you back what you deserve” When he finished saying it, my eyes were already filled with tears “What did I deserve?” I said with a trace of hope lingering in my voice, something that never happen for a while. Can he actually pulled me out from this mess? Can he actually reunite me back again?

“Your life, your family, yourself” He said the word that I have been longing to hear since the start. Not after the incident, but from the start of my journey. My brothers and family always remind me of that, but none of their words has ever gotten through me. It’s like an empty word, but as the frequency of the word getting uttered, it becoming like a mantra, to keep me sane enough to walk on this crooked world. I sobbed after Kennedy said that. He means it.

I was never believed that my life is only mine. I always thought that I exist for somebody. I have several lives that I must protect, I feel indebted towards them since they followed me. I have to give them back something, so I worked hard, pushing myself off the limits. They told me they’ll help, but I brushed them off. There’s a sentences that I always used when I’m working on something and they tried to help “It’s my job to worries, not yours” that usually give me times to figure out something, before they could come back and really trying to help. I usually just laughed at their antics and said “It’s done, so come on, let’s do it” Jinhwan-hyung will always smacked my head because of this. “Let us help once in a while” He said. I smiled “With you guys here, it’s more than enough” I brushed them off while walking outside the studio.

The flashback really got me. Does that mean I can be selfish sometime? Putting ahead myself rather than my work? Do I have the rights to do so? But who will take care of them if it wasn’t me? The way the severed me from them in a swift ways is traumatic for me. Is he the answer for my unending question about how this world works? My mind started to wander around, but at the same time, I calmed down. Still hiccupping from the sobbing, Kennedy offered me a glass of pineapple juice, he’s saying that it’s nice to regain some spirit. I didn’t think of anything anymore and just sipping it.

"Now, I will disclose something important and you have to be attentive okay?" Kennedy-hyung said to me. I tried to regain my focus back and listen carefully. “I’m the new CEO for YG” He said with such fervor. I was stunned by what he said. I heard a rumor that the new designated CEO will be from inside the company, not from the outside. “But…” I tried to reason with it, on how it could have happened, and he deliberately explained in a simple way “I own most of the shares, and my representative already working on cleaning up the mess from the inside” He said. So he was a silent partner? Or maybe he’s planning to coming out to the public someday. But right now, in front of me, sit a person that could grant me anything I want.

“Then can I…” my voice trailed off, because I don’t know if I should have my hopes high, I’m still scared that this was just a dream and the gap become wider. He chuckled “Depends on your answer today” He said to me, I feel his true intention lies at his words. He reminded me of the saying ‘In this world nothing is free’ but for this? I’m willing to work with everything I’ve got.

He asked me if I took the drugs and demanding me to answer honestly. “No, I was seeking how to purchase it, I have it, but I don't take it” This is always the answer I have, not a fabrication but from the reality. The dealer almost handed it to me, but I said to burn them at the back alley. That day, I’m at my lowest, a pathetic human beings. The day before it happens, Yunhyeong-hyung and Jinhwan-hyung had hang out with me all day, they were fussing over something that I can’t remember because it’s not trivial. The past weeks all of the member had somewhat delegating themselves to be around me, making sure that I’m alright. Maybe they can sense that something is going on, and I kept it by myself. Chanwoo is the one usually secretive, it’s not a big deal, it’s his nature. But when I started showing the sign of being secretive, all the members know something is going on. They tried to talk it out from me, but I didn’t budge. I maybe not in my right mind, but I don’t want to drag anyone else for what I’m going to do is a wrong thing. In the end, I slipped from their watch and the rest is history.

“Then where did the drugs go?” Kennedy-hyung asked me. I sense that he just said this out of obligation, like he already know where it goes. He just want to make my story straight. “I burned them at the back alley inside of a trashcan” I recite that vivid memories I do after met the dealer. After I saw that it was burned, I left immediately, shame already creeping to me.

The look Kennedy-hyung gave me is some sort like a gaze that knows the pain of something forbidden. He knows pain too, knows how to endure. “Hanbin, do you want to go back to iKON?” Kennedy-hyung asked me now, with a caring voice. The question feel surreal to me, do I deserve to be with them again? After what happen to me, I don’t know how I could go back to the old me. I fear if I received his offer, something bad in the future will happen. I don’t want to jeopardize my brothers lives, but I want to be with them again.

Everything is running on my mind, and when I realized it, I’m about to cry like a lost child whose just lost the hold of its mother, only asking to found them again and feel safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be compiling the 5k into one chapter later.  
> Or you like it in short chapter? I'm down for any suggestion

**Author's Note:**

> Any input is welcomed :)


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